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Understanding Grief
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Moving Through Grief
Feeling better won't happen overnight. At first, it may be all you can do just to get through the day. But there is hope. Know that you will feel better with time, as long as you let yourself grieve. It hurts, but it is a normal, healing process.

The First Response
Your first response to a loss is often the most intense. You may cry a lot. Or you may feel a deep numbness or shock. Everyone grieves in his or her own way, but there are common signs of grief:

  • Having intense mood swings
  • Sleeping too much or too little
  • Eating too much or too little
  • Having trouble thinking clearly
  • Wanting to be alone all the time
Give Yourself a Break
Try not to expect too much of yourself right away. It may be hard to work, take care of the kids, or focus on projects for a while. Give yourself more time than usual to get things done, since you may be distracted. Take time for yourself. Do some things that you enjoy. Go for a ride in the country. Read. It may feel like nothing brings you joy. But know that time really does help.

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Know Your Grief Process
Let yourself feel all of your feelings and go through your grief fully. The process is full of ups and downs. One day you may feel a lot better. The next day, you may cry again. Try not to think: "I should be over this by now." There are no "shoulds" to grief. Let yourself mourn your loss as long as you need to. It might help to think of ways you dealt with a loss in the past. That way grief won't seem so scary and overwhelming.

Avoid Common Traps
Because grief hurts, it's tempting to look for ways to avoid the pain. But your feelings may surface later if you don't grieve now. Try to avoid these things that delay healing and cause new problems:

  • Using drugs, alcohol, or food to numb your feelings
  • Making the loss seem smaller than it really is ("We weren't that close")
  • Working extra-long hours to avoid pain
  • Thinking over and over how you could "undo" the loss ("I should have known something was wrong")
  • Staying alone to avoid sad feelings that come up around friends or family
Current Feelings
Being aware of your feelings can help you move through them. Take a moment to think about how you feel right now.

Learn from Past Loss
Knowing what worked with past losses can help you now. How did you react to a loss in the past? What made you feel better then?

 
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